SPOILER ALERT!!!!!
Last night the console wars ended much to my personal satisfaction. Titties and Dragons had everything a South Park fan could want including Princess Kenny, Japanese anime (minus subtitles), a Games of Thrones theme, and of course, a Red Robin wedding. The Playstation and Xbox factions planned their final standoff at South Park Mall using as much GoT plotting as possible. The Cartman garden betrayal talks were simply beyond hilarious. Mall Cop Randy really hit home GoT-style when he mourned the passing of all the cops he’d bonded with noting “I don’t know about you, but I am sick and tired of getting to know people here, getting invested in their personalities and their backstories, and then having them die.”
As the Black Friday consumer carnage ensued, the animated brawls were interspersed with actual Black Friday footage which is storytelling honesty at its finest. I was sure the final showdown at Red Robin would parallel the carnage of GoT’s Red Wedding but I was pleasantly surprised by the outcome. When Bill Gates and Kazuo Hirai show up at the wedding Cartman and Kyle soon realize the corporate heads are not part of their betrayals. Stan interjects and declares that “This isn’t our war, you guys. It never was. We’ve been pitted against each other by two companies for the sake of marketing. That’s why they want lines around the block because they want a war to promote their product. They don’t give a crap what kinds of friendships it costs.” So instead of the children duking it out, the true enemies Bill Gates and Kazuo Hirai duel.
Xbox ultimately wins out but its not as sweet a victory as Cartman would have desired. The clans unite to purchase their consoles amid the Black Friday bloodbath with Peanuts holiday music playing in the background. A lonely Elmo shouts “Can Elmo smell your genitals?” as the children make the trek to the game store. The kids make it home to play their newly acquired console but end up heading outdoors where they make a heartwarming realization. Cartman states “The last few weeks we’ve been too busy to play video games and look at what we did. There’s been drama, action, romance. I mean honestly, you guys, do we need video games to play?…Maybe we started to rely on Microsoft and Sony so much that we forgot that all we need to play are the simplest things like this (a stick)…Screw video games! Who f*?! needs them?” I’d tell you what happens next but I’m not a monster. All I can say is South Park reigns supreme this holiday season. Check out the full trilogy online HERE.
Mentions: Watch South Park Wednesdays 10p/9C on Comedy Central